In the Basket

November, 2025

Bug Art Christmas cards, 2 packs of 8, £12 each – embossed with foil details, with snowy scenes of mountains and winter cottages
specialist home insurance, buildings and contents. By Aviva. £789.07
haircut and blow-dry at an Aveda salon: £73
a pair of ankle weights, with adjustable straps, called Core Balance. Via Amazon. £10.99
3 deodoriser fridge balls, in green and white (as seen on TV!) ‘Keep fruit and veg garden fresh’ £5.49
dinner for three at Brasserie Blanc in Portsmouth, including beer, a carafe of wine – and service – but no puddings: £125
by e.l.f. A ‘luminous putty’ face primer. ‘Velvety, with vegan collagen’. £11 Nice, smooth effect – and a ‘cruelty-free’product, but – an unnoticed detail – it was also ‘made in China’.

October, 2025

a new set of ‘spark plugs’ (electrodes) for my vintage boiler: £158
an ‘award-winning’ tub of Sicilian Lemon Clotted Cream – No 1 range from Waitrose – £2.80
from the Boden sale: a ‘fluffy stitch’ cardigan, in a lacy pointelle knit – with acrylic and alpaca – salmon pink. £56
a ‘bunion watch’ chiropody appointment. £30
a room and linen spray, in Vanilla, by Aromafume. ‘Nature’s gift in every drop…to transform your space’… £12
Fashion Victims. Dress at the court of Louis XVI and Marie-Antoinette. Paperback, with gorgeous illustrations. £25

September, 2025

a capacious, purple polyester banana-shaped bag from Uniqlo. £29.90 ‘A progressive essential’ but made in China
a kitchen utensil: a soft-grip masher from Habitat – for potatoes etc
an Odeon Luxe cinema ticket – Downton Abbey – £15.50
‘wedding garters’ – stretchy pink lace, black bow – not for nuptials, but for fun, and to hold up some long silky socks….! £10 90
the disposal of old fencing and the erection of three new panels. £320

August, 2025

a phial of Boots No.7 ‘radiance’ Vitamin C serum. £19.95
a jar of truffle and artichoke pesto, from Waitrose. £3
deep-clean of an old mattress, with steam extraction and anti-stain protection treatment. £80
from the stormwear range at M&S, a hooded gilet in a boxy shape: ‘warmth without weight’. Pale camel. £40
a glass of wine and bar snack at the Supporters’ House, the National Gallery. £14.60 – including a 13% service charge.
a new ‘loyalty’ savings account at the Yorkshire Building Society. Opened with £250

July, 2025

‘Sway Capri’ – vintage blue cropped jeans with cuffed hems, size 10. From Fat Face, £45
anti-ant insecticide called NOPE! A ‘targeted ant nest killer’, with micro-encapsulated blue bait granules…. which worked. £7, via Amazon.
A Leak Detection Service, with ‘thermal imaging and acoustic water tracing’: £714
horsetail extract – 90 vegan capsules, a hair health supplement. £16.95.
a Bramley apple turnover, £1.35 – and an apple crumble Danish pastry, £2.20 Waitrose
eau de toilette: Lavender, by Yardley. £12 ‘Capturing the delicate fragrance of English flowers since 1770

June, 2025

for the birds: a ‘haven cage’ ground feeder, £29. Tub of ‘high energy’ suet balls, £7. Water bowl, £3
Uber rides – c. £25
tooth extraction, at my private clinic. £195
repair of the remote controls for the skylights £125
body oil spray by Hawaiian Tropic, ‘shimmer edition’, coconut scent. £8.25
an silicone mould tray – to make orange-slice shaped slices of ice. £3.70 From Robert Dyas
a set of 4 ‘antique ball ‘castor wheels for the sideboard. £18
100 ‘business’ cards – the minimum order! With my new address etc – designed by my son online. From VistaPrint. Pale lilac, premium matte paper, with rounded corners. £21.90

May, 2025

a pale pink v-neck tank top in crochet-lace, from Fat Face. £49.50 Plus a sleeveless black hoodie in fine jersey, XS. By Urban Classics, £15.90
resealing the flat roof – £480 – & washing and re-pointing the path and patio, £550
2 bottles of Italian oil, from olives grown in volcanic soil, £42. Made in small batches, very high in polyphenols… to support the immune system
a lightweight LED torch, re-chargeable, with ‘super-bright flashlight’. Brand: Blukar £7.59
4 books of 10 scratchcard visitor parking permits. £84 Daylight robbery, by Enfield Council
Albert. An ‘air-purifying’ Aspidistra Elatior, from GardenersDream, via Amazon. £25

April, 2025

a garden tidy and green waste disposal £120, in cash
a single Covid-19 self-test kit (Flowflex) £2.00 & a packet of Sleepease, £3.50. From Boots
council tax, p.m. With the single person’s discount: £165
a small bar of fashionable milk chocolate with pistachio, £5. Brand: Kunafa. From Dubai
finger-less brown lace gloves, £4.99, from Etsy and a small UK company. Plus a ‘large capacity’ crescent-shaped bag – in a coffee and pink leopard print, made in China. £11.90
the removal of a very old gas boiler and pipework – £280
a lump sum over-payment of my mortgage: £2,000

March, 2025

a maxi dress from M&S, £25 in the sale: an abstract zebra print, in cream and chocolate brown
an Enfieldian day trip coach booking to Suffolk: £33
skin food by Weleda (‘cruelty-free since 1921’) £14. 95
a fine-gauge sweater from Next, by Love and Roses – pale pink, with small black spots, three-quarter sleeves for an English spring. £38
handyman services: the making of a new kitchen storage space, much putting up of hooks and other general problem-solving: £250
bargain of the month: a second-hand Roberts radio, from a charity shop. A discontinued – but brilliant – design, in perfect working order. £7

February, 2025

Pear and Lilac: eau de toilette, by Yardley, from Boots. £18
wheelie bin (house number) stickers, set of 3. Vinyl, in a circular leafy design. £6.80
3 small boxes for £14 – from Hotel Chocolat at Charing Cross, including champagne truffles.
Andrex Ultimate Quilts, in vanilla and sandalwood. 9 rolls, Limited Edition, ‘supporting responsible forestry’.
pink potatoes, ‘Ruby Gem’ – grown in Norfolk by a Ralph something. From Waitrose.
Home Security: the removal, adjustment and replacement of the front door, new locks and bolts. £350
Dirty Old London – a hardcover book (used, very good) £2.80 ‘The Victorian fight against filth’.

January, 2025

30 fancy drawing pins for the noticeboard – with rhinestone glitter ‘heads’ and ‘quality’ steel tips. £7.50
the non-council collection of unwanted white goods (washing machine and dishwasher). £90
an anti-leak roof repair, gutter inspection and clearance: £100, also in cash
shampoo bar from M&S, with sandalwood and seaweed. £3.50
Octopus energy -‘love and power’ – direct debit. £100
Elephant in the Room – a pinot noir wine of Australia, ‘big on flavour and attitude’ £7.99

December, 2024

Removal of goods from storage, Cannock to Enfield £1,211 04p
manuka honey, 800+, made by bees in New Zealand, sold in Holland & Barrett. £38
new lighting, sockets and repairs by Elite Electrics – £819
bottom lash mascara in black, by Clinique. Handbag size: £20
Royal Academy subscription – £138
BT/EE and Openreach home installation visits £71
a pvc non-slip mat for inside the bath £4.99
a lightweight Addis laundry airer with ‘wings’ and rubber feet. £14
first mortgage payment, to Marsden BS. £480.32

November, 2024

an embellished brown headband, in recycled polyester, from Selby’s £15
‘non-standard’ buildings and home insurance: £819
Oaties, by Nairns. Gluten-free, toffee flavour £2
180 Macu XL capsules – an advanced supplement for eye health, with lutein and zeaxanthin. £26.95
a copy of Big Issue, a housing special. £4
2 new keys, cylinder and yale mortice. From Timpsons, £19
21 ‘dailies’, ultra-thin pantie-liners, in black. By Bodyform. £1.49
The Cottage in Enfield, £11,000 below the asking price. The biggest, most expensive thing ever in the basket: £514,000

October, 2024

a bottle of Limoncello, the Italian liqueur, from Waitrose. £16
£350, in cash, the usual ‘rent’ for The Room
a roll of sticky labels – white, with fruit-design edges. Meant for jam jars, but for general use
a ticket to see The Apprentice movie. £12
an overnight stay at Travelodge, Rochester. £54
2 books: Thames, Sacred River, by Peter Ackroyd – £25, from Daunts, Belsize Park. Plus Prescription for Murder, about the Harold Shipman case. £11

September, 2024

a traditional dish-mop, with a string ‘head’ at the end of a wooden stick. £1.40
an ex-library book, The Truth about Cottages – their history since the 17th century.
‘luxury’ pitted prunes, produce of Chile. From Holland & Barrett. £6.50
the annual subscription to Islington U3a – £21
a pack of mixed fuses, 3 -13 amp. From Robert Dyas. £4.49
a RICS Building Survey, from a firm in Enfield. £1,470

August, 2024

3 months’ extension of the Royal Mail re-direction service, Lichfield to London. £39
a hair cut and colour – blonde ‘lights’, ‘aubergine’ streaks: £95
the solicitor’s deposit…….. £500
2 tickets for a 55-minute boat trip on the Thames. £18
a maxi ‘column’ dress from M&S online, ruched at one side. In chocolate brown jersey, size 8. £25
a membership sub to The Enfield Society. £15
a jar of Egyptian Magic – a ‘miraculous ancient secret of sages and healers.’ An ‘all-purpose skin cream’, with only 6 ingredients, including royal jelly, beeswax and olive oil…. Only £27.99!

July, 2024

a long A-line skirt, with deep cargo pockets, pale camel. From the Zara sale online. £33
purple tomatoes (‘violet cocktail’) grown on the Isle of Wight. Waitrose, £4.50
subscription to a local literary magazine – Friends on the Shelf. £16
chocolate called ‘calm’ from Holland and Barrett. With B12 plus 1 ‘plant point’. £4
dry shimmer oil by Ted Baker, from Boots, £10. ‘Infused with macadamia oil’…
alterations to 3 old pairs of jeans – 2 shortened and a rip repair. £34
80 multi-coloured paper clips, ‘office essentials’ range from Rymans. £1.99

June, 2024

kefir – fermented yogurt, ‘with billions of live cultures’, vanilla. From Waitrose.
25 lavender fragranced bin liners, recycled plastic. £1.79 Also ” ” “
a tote-type shoulder bag, in red and white patterned fabric. Half-price: £15, from Accessorise
a thin, sleeveless, button-front top, in black. From Primark. £6
train tickets to Portsmouth, open return – with Freedom Pass and Senior railcard. £32
10 fineliner pens (0.4mm) by Q-connect. c.£7, via Amazon.
a stick of lip-balm, in peach, ‘enriched with coconut oil’, made in Poland. Superdrug. £1.50

May, 2024

2 grey camping chairs, foldable with tubular steel frames. Extra seating for the garden. £30
3 pairs of glasses. Two for reading, with super-thin lightweight lenses, one for long-distance. From Specsavers. £285
4 pieces of sew-on lace applique patches. from Amazon Marketplace. £13
a tub of Palmer’s body scrub, ‘cocoa butter formula’. from Superdrug. £4.99
Our Mutual Friend, by Charles Dickens.
a country pub lunch – fish finger sandwich, with salad and chips. £14.50

April, 2024

a members’ event at the V&A – a guided gallery tour, the focus on hand and other bags in the collection. £15
an ‘easy-cook’ microwave saucepan, from Selby’s department store. £5.95
10 one-cup filters of Fairtrade coffee, strength 3 – a ‘carefully balanced blend of beans…with notes of caramel and berries’. From M&S, £4.50
earrings from Etsy. Handmade, lever-back, in nickel-free bronze ‘for sensitive ears’, set with images of blackbirds. £19
The last Tudor, by Philippa Gregory. A novel about Lady Jane Grey, her younger sisters and ruthless cousins Mary and Elizabeth.

March, 2024

a bottle of semi-permanent, ‘PETA approved’ hair-colour cream in pearlescent, by Bleach, from Boots. £8
black denim horseshoe-design jeans by And/Or, a range at John Lewis. £55, cost covered by gift card.
storage costs in Staffordshire, continued. £235, p.m.
Obsession, a reddish brown ‘satin stylo’ lipstick by Mua, from Superdrug. £3.50
a silver claddagh ring from Camden Market. £15
one night, two rooms, breakfast included, at the Tavistock Hotel. £364
ordered from Amazon, a novel by Ken Follett: World without End

February, 2024

a grey metal mesh waste paper bin. £3
a bottle of extra-virgin oil, ‘ from the home of the olive tree’. By the name of Zaytoun, a product of Palestine. £12
3 rides with Uber, the cashless car service app – c. £30
a multi-stick in Glistening Peach, make-up by Elf ‘for ‘lips, eyes and cheeks’. £5
an Everyman cinema ticket to see Zone of Interest. £18
lunch at the Piazza restaurant at the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden. Set menu: £22

& a surprise for the Basket, a gift from my son: a portable mini-fridge from Russell Hobbs, in Scandi White, with a wooden carry-handle. 4 litre capacity, ‘whisper-quiet’ with 2 tiny shelves. £39

January ,2024

a small portable Bush radio, in white. From Argos, £19.99
‘Cloud of Dreams‘ – a Soap & Glory night cream, from Boots. £7.30
a selection of shields, post-surgery, ordered from Amazon. A pair of transparent eye ‘masks’ with holes in for ventilation. Plus 50 stick-on, disposable face protectors, for use in the shower…
2 packs of 1st class stamps from the Post Office. £20
60 ‘megabsorb’ Vitamin B complex tablets, from Holland & Barrett. c.£12
a Clive’s ‘creamy organic mushroom pie’, from Waitrose. £3.65
Pleasures, a ‘lily and peony’ perfume by Estee Lauder. £36.00

December, 2023

a pair of small lamps called ‘Lucy’. A chrome finish, with 3-stage touch control. John Lewis, £60
a jar of lobster bisque imported from Brittany, containing cognac. £6.50
Christmas crackers in dark blue with a polar bear motif and wooden gifts inside. £17.50, John Lewis
gold-plated earrings in a textured raindrop design, with a long ‘dangle’. National Gallery shop. £15
24 tealights, LED battery operated. ‘Flameless, flickering, zero carbon emission.’ £12, from Amazon

November,2023

vine leaves stuffed with rice in a tin. Imported from Greece by a company called Onassis. £3.90
2 Amazon e-gift birthday cards. £50 each.
10 denier tights, for a ‘polished leg look’, in black. Made in Ukraine.
a 2 night stay at the Ibis hotel in Portsmouth. £145
dental clinic costs, including a radiograph and ‘extra-intensive’ oral rinse. £185
Young, Damned and Fair – ‘the life and tragedy’ of Catherine Howard, Henry V111’s 5th wife.

October, 2023

train trip to St Albans, day return. With the pass, £6
1 pair Fair-Isle socks, from Seasalt. £14.90
dinner for two at a Thai restaurant in Somerset. The vegetarian set menu, £17.95 p.p.
‘shell pink’, cotton-rich jeans, made in Bangladesh. Half-price in an M&S sale – £15.00
‘sticky stuff remover’ from Hampstead Hardware shop. £3.99
doormat in coir with black rubber edges, made in India. from John Lewis. £40

August -September, 2023 Dispatched from Islington, North London

removal of goods into storage: £570
multiple trips on the tube, using contactless card. c.£50
Senior Railcard, 3 year online option. £70
postage for Freedom Pass application forms. £1.60
5 brushed silver cupboard handles and assorted hooks – to customise the spare room, my new base -and handyman services. £270
a year’s membership (plus guest) of the Victoria and Albert Museum. £122
lunch at the British Museum: a ‘plant-powered’ sandwich (spinach, olives and mozzarella). £9.50
20 Lens Bright wipes, from Specsavers. £3.00
storage costs, p.m. £236
room retainer, variable, p.m. £300

July, 2023

dinner for 2 at a restaurant in London, the cuisine from Ecuador, with espanadas and brandy. £102
A ‘glow-getter’ tanning mitt from Aldi. £3
the hire of a 3 tonne van for 3 days, to go from Portsmouth to London, via Lichfield. £250
40 clear plastic bags, 100 litre, for protective packing purposes
tickets to London Zoo, 1 adult, 1 senior. £63
2 egg custard tarts, ‘sprinkled with nutmeg’, from Tesco. £1.50

June, 2023

a travel scarf in the ‘infinity’ style, with hidden pocket for passport, purse, phone…in an earthy tribal pattern. £12, from Etsy.
toe spacers/bunion correctors, in white silicone – for ‘gentle realignment’. £7.95 From Feetfix, via Amazon
a gift box of chocolates – including prosecco truffle and florentine mousse – from Hotel Chocolat at Euston station. £27.45
umpteen open return train tickets, with my Senior Railcard…. c. £210
haddock and dressed crab – from the fresh fish stall in the market square – £9.00

May, 2023

12 Coronation cupcakes with red, white and blue sprinkles. From Tesco
a new shower unit with 5 spray pattern shower head, plus installation. £219
25 3D stickers in flower designs, ‘for adult purposes only’. From Rymans
a haircut and colour (coral pink highlights) £65, including tip.
hearing aids in ‘bronze’ from the Specsavers Advance range,with ‘aftercare for life’. £!,995

April, 2023

4 ‘gusset cases’ in lightweight recycled nylon, for storage/packing purposes. Imported from Cambodia by Muji. Grey and black, with zips.
2 pairs of train tickets to London, open return. £64. 1 taxi, from station to base – £7, including tip.
a St Tropez product – a self-tan ‘luxe’ body serum. £28
3 multi-packs of HP cartridges from Rymans. £165
a tub of garlic butter – with parsley, thyme and black pepper. From a farm on the Isle of Wight
Holy Island – a murder mystery set on Lindisfarne, by LJ Ross. The first of an addictive detective series.

March, 2023

27 apple blossom and pear-scented tea-lights, from Tesco
an over-seeding lawn treatment,by a company called Greensleeves. £25
more flavoured, fine-ground coffee from Arco. In Irish cream and Caramel. £26
a talk about J.L.Petit, the long-forgotten 19th century impressionist. £12.60
stain removal at the dental clinic; a ‘jet-wash’ of my teeth. £90
The Chessmen, the third of the island of Lewis trilogy by Peter May.

February 2023

a casual, collarless jacket – in sand, with orange lining. Re-cycled nylon. From Tesco. £32.50
my annual subscription to WordPress – £36
Act of Oblivion, by Robert Harris – a half-price hardback novel about the regicides of 1649. £11 from Waterstones.
an admission ticket to Grayson Perry’s Art Club show, Birmingham. £5
3 linen-like drawstring bags for garment-storage. £2 each, from Wilko
perfume – Pleasures, by Estee Lauder. £29, for 30 ml.

January, 2023

6 re-usable paper cups with lids, with ‘wall insulation’, for hot drinks. From Tesco.
an extraction at a salon of a whitehead on my face. £18
3 pairs of trainer-liner socks, in pink, beige and grey. From Waitrose.
1 night at the Tavistock Hotel, at members’ rate: £115, breakfast not included
2 tickets, Row F, at a Vue cinema. £9.90 each
a third pair of cropped cargo trousers, in a fine ‘mink’ cord. Half-price from Poetry. £59
a new FireAngel smoke alarm. Free, replaced under warranty.

December, 2022

a hoodie from Hush, in ‘leopard’. £52, in the sale.
the first energy bill from Octopus, covered by the credit in my account. £267
A ‘gourmet condiment’. Black Truffle Mayonnaise, ‘nut and gluten-free, with real truffle’.
Underwear: thermal ‘base layers’ with long sleeves and’soft seams, made with Japanese heatgen technology.’ One grey, one ‘black sparkle’. From M&S, £25
a new monthly mobile arrangement with Virgin. £5.95. A special offer, with ten times more data.
a large but simple wreath, hand-woven from grey wood, with green and mistletoe foliage.

November, 2022

Hotel stay in Llandudno. 2 nights, Premier Inn: £149
a pair of tan leather trainers, with laces, side-zips and snakeskin trim. By Reiker, £79
120 fish oil capsules, ‘omega-rich’. From Nature’s Best.
winter sunglasses, polarised, with animal print frames. From Specsavers.
a sample set of sea salts, ‘mined’ in Anglesey. With chilli, garlic and celery seeds.
a big bottle of Fairy Liquid, ‘max power’, ‘by appointment to Her Majesty’
Ugg socks, thick and fluffy, in ‘pink leopard’. £12

October, 2022

Body Shop shampoo – Ginger, with vegan silk protein, for flaky scalp’
pruning of the apple trees and conifer screen. £90
a merino wool blend cardigan in ‘tobacco’. From Sea Salt. £69.99
molar tooth extraction. £160
train tickets to Wales

September,2022

a boiler service, cash in hand. £40
an olive-green long-sleeved tee from Tesco, with cut-out detail. £9.50
2 pairs of glasses with super-thin lenses, from Specsavers. £205
a spray bottle of systemic Bug Killer, to save a plant from scale insects
special editions of the Times and Hello! magazine: tributes to the Queen

August, 2022

a Hotpoint washing machine, in white -7Kg load. £345
an oxygen and laser gum treatment. £110
a gold-tone chunky chain-link bracelet, with T-bar clasp. £18
2 tickets to The Hepworth sculpture galleries in Wakefield
stair and landing ‘new generation’ nylon fibre carpet, in ‘latte’. £340

July, 2022

a slab of handcrafted soap in ‘strawberries and cream’
paper-pearl earrings with coral and brass ‘crowns’. £75, from Etsy
a tour of an Anglo-Saxon church and crypt. £15
the Book Club choice: Cranford, by Elizabeth Gaskell
a phone bag, with cross-body strap, in pink and lime mesh and nylon. £20

June, 2022

Beetroot juice, 1 litre – ‘cloudy, pressed and picked’ in Ireland
a pack of iron-on denim patches for real holes in my oldest jeans
alterations by a seamstress to 3 pairs of trousers- from long to cropped, for a new look. £55
repairs to the sliding wardrobe doors – £35
train and tube travel to London and back: c.£150
An Evil Love. A paperback about Fred and Rose West

May, 2022

the dual-fuel bill, double last year’s. £133
a feather-filled velvet cushion, with a giraffe-in-the-jungle design
From Amazon, a pack of 2 hook, black and white bra-strap extenders
An inspection and cleaning of the gutters. £87
a ‘hand-finished’ Belgian chocolate cake, with marbled whorls on top.

April, 2022

a travel-size hairdryer, with ‘cool shot’ setting
3 jumbo fabric bags, shopper-style with zip tops, for clothes management/storage
body maintenance: a course of 6 toning treatments on my bingo wings. £195
tickets to an exhibition – at the V&A, about Faberge. £44
a pack of 4 hot cross buns, ‘rhubarb and custard’. £1.19

March, 2022

a pair of cargo trousers in a sale. Tapered leg, 4 pockets, in camel. £13, plus p&p
9 ‘breathable’ see-through garment covers, in different sizes
120 capsules of MacuPro – an eye supplement, with lutein and zeaxanthin
lawn treatments: aeration, scarification. £120
a doughnut called Zebra Creme (cocoa and vanilla) from the donutterie at Euston

February, 2022

tickets for a local Literature Festival event – a talk by Justin Webb
a very loud, fast-boil, stainless steel kettle. From Wilko’s, £17
‘Peckish’ – a garden food-mix of seeds, ‘approved by birds.’
2 50 ml bottles of ‘smell-alike’, faux perfume de toilette. Loves me, loves me not, based on the Daisy range by Marc Jacobs and the Chanel-style Vogue. £5 each!
Words to Outlive us – a hardback book of extracts from diaries of the Warsaw Ghetto

January, 2022

a pea protein veggie burger, at McDonald’s
a short ‘fur’ coat called ‘Alice’, in ‘planet-friendly, recycled polyester’. Sale price:£45
4 hour-long Tai Chi classes, £5 each
12 macaroons, in 6 pretty colours and flavours. ‘Crafted in Belgium’,bought at Waitrose
a tube of fluoride toothpaste, with ‘advanced enamel protection’. Made in Slovakia
vintage drop pearl earrings, off-white – from an outdoor market stall in Tamworth
underbed storage: a pair of cloth boxes in grey patterns, with zip closures

December, 2021

an ammonite pendant, to replace the one lost – then found
a glass of wine in a pub in Hampstead, London. £13.30!
mega-matches, extra long (28cm). Product of India
an ad on Twitter, to promote a pensionista post. £125
a rainbow of interdental brushes, in assorted colours
a giraffe: a handmade hanging decoration, with metallic embroidery
a mini Christmas tree – only a foot high, including the pot

November, 2021

7 lateral-flow tests – free, supplied by NHS Test and Trace
a tumbler, ‘virtually indestructible’ in black polycarbonate, found in the street
my home insurance renewal – £231
a short, shower-resistant coat in the Fat Face sale -duck-egg blue
a tube-squeezer, a tiny contraption, ‘to roll out every last drop…’ £1.50
a book: The History of the World in a 100 Objects
Turquoise – an ‘oceanic’ scent by Michael Kors, with top-notes of water-lily and cucumber

October, 2021

3 sets of e-tickets – to London, Liverpool and Portsmouth
curled-leaf parsley, in a pot, ‘great stirred into stuffing’ 90p.
a large, 4-wheeled suitcase, with a ‘perfect glide system’, from Primark
a face-covering featuring roses taken from a Fantin-Latour painting. From the National Gallery shop. With a Friend’s discount, £9.50
coconut water – 4 bottles, produced in the Philippines, ‘feel-good fuel’
the fourth transpersonal psychology session. £85

September, 2021

a hoodie, in fine corduroy, pale camel, with ‘stretch, for shape retention’
a narrow strap in mauve leather – for a gold and brown-faced watch
deep-clean dental treatment – like a power wash for the gums: £110
shower gel, in ‘ vanilla and pumpkin’, but smelling of coconut….
the annual boiler service, 40 minutes long, with ‘drink on me’ tip: £55

August, 2021

paper panties, in black, pack of 5. Disposable, with ‘discreet leak and odour control.’
a silver spoon, engraved with a single word: jam, from a stately home shop. £12
lavender marmalade, made in Norfolk
electrical repairs; a new shower switch etc. £78
a pair of fluffy socks with a bee motif, ‘recycled from plastic bottles’
Lady in Waiting. A racy, very readable memoir of royal connections…

July, 2021

2 hours of therapy -Jungian style – in Southwark, London, £160
an Age Extension travel insurance premium, £65
a catalogue from an artist friend’s local exhibition
3 miniature bottles of Laphroaig whisky, souvenirs from Scotland
a deposit on account at the solicitor’s: £1,300
50 baby buds – cottonwool, certified a 100% organic

June, 2021

a ticket to Wigan, North-West England, open return
a new microwave, black with a silver door handle, still in the box
dinner out, including a Mojito mocktail: mint, lime, sugar and soda
a luxe linen shirt, three-quarter sleeves, in primrose yellow,£54
50 metres of dental floss, fresh mint flavour

May, 2021

entrance fees to an Open Garden charity event
a blood pressure monitoring machine, half-price in Boots
reading and long-distance glasses, with bronze and tortoiseshell frames
100 self-adhesive reinforcement rings for hole-punched paper
2 small foldaway patio tables, black with glass tops
a copy of Big Issue, with Bob Dylan on the cover

April, 2021

e-tickets to London and Penkridge, Staffs
2 yards of scallop-edged lace trim, in ‘natural’ – to lengthen a dress
small folding-step stools, with ‘slip-resistant surface’, in black and blue
a long-awaited haircut, with highlights in dark blonde and violet, £45.95 + tip
a jar of Tiptree truffle mayonnaise,’by appointment to Her Majesty the Queen’.

March, 2021

a coffret of talcum powders from Yardley (est: 1770) in rose, lavender and lily of the valley
deposits on 2 door-to-door coach trips – to Scotland and Norfolk
12 mini-mixer cans of diet coke, not the regular size – by mistake
a slender smartphone, with a ‘clean interface’ and ‘soft-touch’ matte back, made in Vietnam – and a case to fit it. £350
American Dirt – a new novel about migration from Mexico, sure to be a modern classic.

February, 2021

Lemsip Max, for ‘body aches’, etc., with braille on the box
hand-crafted in crochet – a beaded doily, to cover a milk jug
the regular subscription to Which, the consumer magazine
Dr Wolff’s ‘energising’ caffeine shampoo. Est.1905
a Valentine’s gift to self: L’Aimant scent and deodorant spray
10 ‘plant-based bacon rashers’, inedible. 9 thrown away.

January, 2021

2 stainless steel kettle descalers
a hoodie top, in pastel primrose velour
Hyacinth Bucket’s Book of Etiquette for the ‘less socially fortunate’
50 sheets of posh printer paper, in cream
a Bulk Buy: 48 quilted toilet rolls, ‘shea-butter scented’

December 2020

125 extra-long, white-tipped ‘mega-matches’ in a box, a frosted fern pattern on the lid
a Pedigree Christmas stocking, with ‘chewy treats’ – for Pablo, the puppy
a 4-wheeled, super-lite cabin case – half-price – from Debenhams
a solicitor’s bill – for ‘reviewing your paperwork, drafting a letter’: £467
triple-distilled Irish whiskey, in a bottle of Bailey’s cream liqueur

November, 2020

a Posture Corrector, an anti-slouch affair, with adjustable straps and a ‘perfect fit guarantee’. To wear like a backpack, in black.
an ad on Twitter, in the form of a Tweet, to promote a post.
an empty hanging basket, found in a skip….
40 Season’s Greetings cards – 16th century Dutch winter scenes
a shiny new thermostat for a bedroom radiator, with ‘large-print’ numbers.

October, 2020

6 months’ supply of Vitamin D; 180 capsules
Killing for Company, about Dennis Nilsen – a true crime classic
a new TV licence, through gritted teeth
tree and hedge pruning services: £500
a gift for the garden: a wind chime, made from recycled metal cutlery

September,2020

a vintage crystal glass tankard, from an antiques centre
online tickets – to Euston and Tate Britain, to see Aubrey Beardsley
2 silk-bamboo long-sleeved tee-shirts, in black and cream, for layering
a small wooden crate. Purpose: To Be Decided
a mushroom. Also wood, for hand-darning holes in socks and the like

August, 2020

a traditional scrubbing brush, with a curved edge, from the market
4 anklets, in silver, pearl and wood
an upgraded but cheaper ‘bundle’ from Virgin Media
a membership fee of Medium, a huge online writing community
8 black, long-handled spoons, for ice-cream and the like
e-tickets, for the train – and entry to Salisbury cathedral

July, 2020

Lumiere, a 1980s eau de toilette, with white floral notes
2 Chinese parasol-umbrellas, paper and bamboo. For patio guests.
gold plimsolls, with ‘shock-absorbing soles’
a set of Mulberry silk pillowcases, shipped from Wisconsin
100 rubber bands, in different colours and sizes, made in Germany

June, 2020

nail polish, a topcoat called Crystal Sparkle
a sleeveless ‘soft fern’ maxi dress, in a hemp-cotton mix
a large black wheeled outdoor storage box, from Amazon
greeting cards, featuring re-imagined portraits with masks, from the Fitzwilliam, Cambridge
a fossil on a pendant – an ammonite from Madagascar
an oval tin of Spanish squid in olive oil, inedible

May, 2020

‘optical cover’ sunglasses, to fit over prescription ones
8 champagne flutes, for when the outbreak ends
a set of black swallows: small sticker tatoos
several face masks, all with elasticated ear loops –
some disposable, semi-medical grade, others re-usable, in layered linen, one a botanical print…
ice-cream: 6 mini-tubs from the ‘caramel collection’

April, 2020

a subscription to an animated e-card company
2 wire storage baskets, to hook over kitchen cupboard doors
a donation to Captain Tom’s NHS charities
100 Quick Cryptic Crosswords, in a Times paperback
more lockdown treats, like giant crumpets

March, 2020

a tea-towel with a geological time-scale design, from Archean to Jurassic
regular edge-trimming and lawn-mowing
post-lock-down: a home delivery of supplies, ordered online
including extra milk for the freezer
and therapeutic items, like wine and candles
a biography of Samuel Pepys, the 17th century diarist, for a plague perspective…

February 2020

‘a legend in a glass’ – a bottle of mead, made in Lindisfarne.
an hour’s consultation with a solicitor; £300
cedar sachets, from a moth repellent range
dermal filler treatment, for a facial hollow
a cauliflower, grown in Cornwall

January 2020

a tree – an ornamental birch called ‘Moonbeam’
an olive oil ear spray
labels for the new wheelie bin, ‘water and weatherproof’
newspapers – souvenir issues for Brexit Day
French fizz – pink champagne….

December, 2019

a leopard skin rug, made in Africa. Wool and cotton.
a ceiling light switch cord, for the bathroom
carrots in velvet: tree decorations from Aldi
giant crumpets, a pack of 2
a new LG television, a Boxing Day bargain. 49 inch screen.

November, 2019

4 white porcelain, square-shaped egg cups, made in China
a mini suede skirt, in black, from M&S
a wireless Mouse for the desk-top.
Black Friday – a teddy coat, in olive, 40% off…
a wooden step-stool from IKEA, self-assembly – not by me
new fence panels, with concrete posts
home insurance

October, 2019

Eggs Royale, a breakfast treat in a cafe, with smoked salmon and muffins
A multi-purpose canvas pouch, with a motivational message:Today is the Day!
a room reservation in a seafront hotel in Brighton
another cashmere shawl-style scarf in ‘Parma’ – exchanged for ‘Fireglow’
a Senior Railcard, renewed online for 3 years

September, 2019

a ‘memory, posture-perfect’ pillow – from Debenhams
a pair of anti-bunion orthotic soles, from California
an investment: another mixed-media scene of Derbyshire by an artist friend
tour tickets, including one for the Norman crypt of Winchester cathedral
a 20 metre washing line from Wilko’s, with a steel core
a large lemon from South Africa, called EUREKA!

August, 2019

a new smoke alarm
a cream leather purse, with laser cut-out pattern
slices of ‘white sugar loaf’ pineapple, from Ghana
a private prescription for steroid ointment
train tickets east, south and north.

July, 2019

souvenirs. From Portugal, 2 mini bottles of port
from Leeds, a Yorkshire dialect melamine coaster (Eh Up!)
Florale – a multi-purpose ‘iconic oil’, for face, body, hair
asparagus tips, from Peru
a big bag of coarse oat bran, for a ‘fibre boost’.

June, 2019

new eyebrows. A tatoo treatment, to replace the ones over-plucked…
a ‘pillow mist’, to ‘create calm’, before bed
an outdoor cushion, sponge-clean only. Black/white zigzags.
an Indian meal, a ‘banquet offer’ with 11 dishes
£300 worth of Euros

May, 2019

a slimline, recycling bin. Black, with grey lid.
a set of 3 knives: paring, utility and santoku. Dishwasher safe.
40 litres of (enriched) compost
3 for 2 – briefs, guipure lace trim
a lilac bush – with blooms to match.

April, 2019

A bevelled beauty sponge, in lilac. For blending make-up and ‘complete coverage’
3 ‘bistro’ chairs in black plastic, ‘rattan effect’, ‘stackable for easy storage’
a narrow neck brush, with a flexible head and long-length handle – to reach the bottom of bottles
a liquid iron and vitamin preparation – an anti-fatigue formula
an age-extension fee on my travel insurance: £60.

March, 2019

a woven bookmark, with gold thread, depicting a knight in prayer
artisan butter in a block – hand-milled, with salt crystals and flecks of seaweed
a Home Buyer’s Report, for a family member
five Tudor detective novels, the hero called John Shakespeare
a ‘sniffer’ – a nasal inhaler stick, for flu symptom relief

February, 2019

a retro, ‘mullety’ haircut with a micro-fringe, tipped with violet
a thermal ‘base layer’ polo neck in black, ‘made with Japanese technology’
superglue: a trio of small tubes of ‘instant, universal’ adhesive
a handrail in white oak, over 11 foot long, for my stairway – free delivery
a bunch of ‘rainbow’ tulips

January 2019

shoe accessories:’grippers’ for ice and snow
an annual membership fee for a club in London
a deposit for a cruise on the river Douro
a long cord pinafore dress in ‘onyx’ with very deep pockets
brown suede boots, half-price in the sale
a library fine, for two overdue books

December, 2018

a curtain for the back door, with an insulated lining
the Romance of Food – Barbara Cartland’s kitsch recipe book
the last pot of goose fat, for my roasties. The future is meat-free.
a set of 5 W.W.2 medals, in bronze and nickel, including 3 Stars
a large bottle of pink champagne, for Auld Lang Syne in London

November, 2018

elderflower-infused gin, a friend’s favourite tipple
Slogan on the side of the bottle: ‘united in spirit’
a 4-slice toaster, in black and chrome
leopard-print pop socks
Duchy tomatoes, organic – in Prince Charles’ honour
a coach trip to Cambridge
a 6-month subscription to a senior singles site

October, 2018

a small salt-mill, with pink, Himalayan crystals
a grey laundry bag, Irish, with rope detail, to match the walls
3 shiny black baskets, Vietnamese, multi-purpose(all to be decided)
horse shampoo, re-branded to groom the human mane
bread: a divine cashew and cranberry bloomer, from Tesco
off-peak rail tickets, to Coventry, London and Portsmouth

September, 2018

a tube of growth serum, for the elderly eye-lash
stationery: a multi-pack of ink cartridges, photo paper, in ‘glossy’
a hoodie, in ‘coffee’, all the way from Chenshen, China
wine, in a new slim-sized bottle(500 ml) ‘for 2 large glasses’
repairs: new zip for an old gilet, stronger stitching for a bag strap
a friend’s painting, at a discount, in ink and acrylic, called Field Shadow.

August, 2018

in a tiny aluminium case: a travel lipbrush, made in Japan
a One Egg pan, square, non-stick
courgettes from Gloucestershire. Variety: Cronos
a round tin of British wildflower seedballs
a copy of Elle, the Colour Issue
the biography of a Victorian chemist’s discovery of ‘Mauve’.

July 2018

a deep-clean at the dentist
a bespoke teeth whitening tray
a pack of 3 N.V.P.L. knickers, click and collect,in black, coffee and almond.
a 10 knob over-the-door hat-rack
plant food, general purpose, ‘fish, blood and bone’.
a pollen-free dwarf sunflower

June 2018

open-toe tights, with ‘cooling fibres’
a dual valve for the upstairs loo, with ‘reduced flushes’ for ‘water conservation’.
plastic cutlery – unethical, but convenient
a series of clothes alterations by a local seamstress
membership of the National Gallery
pickled eggs in a jar
a fridge magnet from Norway: a pair of trolls, embracing

May 2018

a roll-on bottle of hemp oil vegan deodorant
a second hand thriller about the hunt for a Balkan war criminal
a woven cross-body bag with such a mix of zigzag stripes and tribal motifs that it will clash and therefore go with everything…..
7 taxi rides to and from stations or supermarkets
Norwegian currency: £100 pound’s worth of kroner

April 2018

a foil-embossed, hand-made card, showing birds in love
the services of a wedding photographer
a bag of confetti (12 handfuls) – biodegradable violet delphinium petals
citronella: insect-repellent oil and candles
3 postcards – scenes of the Seychelles – turtles and parrots on the stamps
Chanel no.5, duty-free at the island airport

March 2018

2 long linen dresses, one navy, one grey
a box of LED downlights, in ‘warm white’
a thick cork notice board with a black frame
wrapping paper in Beatrix Potter patterns
a ‘self-parking sink stopper, called Frisby
decorative bowl covers, set of 6
large ‘optical cover’ sunglasses in tortoiseshell
a fair-trade Easter egg – cocoa beans from Ghana
a bunch of British daffodils

February 2018

A swing-arm ‘Hobby’ desk lamp, in black
4 Tai C’hi classes, £5 an hour
a ‘luxury bath mat’, for the study, in lilac
an economy sized roll of kitchen paper – orange
a 10-pack of flocked clothes hangers – turquoise
a triple-layered angel sponge cake – yellow and pink
rose wine, ‘from the sunshine of Provence’
a final TV licence

January 2018

a tube of ‘plughole unblocker’
a blend of cider vinegar and honey – raw, organic and kosher
pine shelving, by a local carpenter
2 pairs of spectacles, b.o.g.o.f.
200 self-adhesive labels
comfort food, including a Cornish pasty
a course of ‘fat freeze’ body treatments, for the dimpled self

December 2017

24 stamps with scenes of snowmen and Santas
a re-grouting/sealant service, for the bathroom
1 gold box of mulled-spice scented tissues
6 tester pots of paint, in shades of duck, dove and primrose
15% of a cruise on the Norwegian Fjords – the deposit
Volume 32 of the Journal of Stained Glass, for research
a large wall calendar, minimalist, with no pictures

November 2017

a green-gold lipstick, called Instinct
a watch with Roman numerals, but no minute markings
3 drop-in descaler bags
20 sachets of Elderberry and Echinacea tea
fence spikes, brown, pack of 30
home insurance, buildings and contents
a MOD search – for a war record of service and campaign medals

October 2017

a stock of Vitamin C tablets
2 little squeezy bottles of dry-eye drops, on prescription
3 tins of tomato soup, for fast days
compensation items, post computer crisis:
an eau de parfum called ‘Bloom’
a festive pair of Jacquard texture trousers
a gift set of 4 Beatrix Potter 50ps, in ‘brilliant, uncirculated quality’
an external storage drive, 1 terrabyte

September 2017

a small gift horse, cast in bronze, made in Greece
half a low-calorie pizza called Leggera
2 Smart Meters and a Display Unit, free from E-on
a multi-pack of printer cartridges, including magenta and cyan
British blackberries in a plastic tray. Variety: Loch Ness
a ticket for a seat in the stalls of a London theatre. Only £95!

August 2017

an archangel: a ‘stained glass’ transfer, to ‘stick on a clean window’
a pack of ‘bird-scare’ mirror discs, to dazzle the pigeons away
a block of recycled printer paper
2 handpicked gem lettuce, picked by an Alan in Norfolk
15 floor wipes, in ‘apple’
24 re-usable ice cubes
an aspidistra, by post

July 2017

an aerosol spray – an instant protector for footwear, water/stain repellent
a 3-tier stainless steel steamer
4 sheets of tissue paper, in a ‘party animals’ pattern
a pochette of ‘red rose’ incense sticks
a rosary ring from Rheims
a bottle of surgical spirit, to harden the feet
What would Jane Do? a book of Austen quotations

June 2017

a brooch in the form of a bee, knitted in Peru
2 pairs toe-less sandal tights in ‘powder’ (beige)
5 corn removal pads – in chiropody felt, self-adhesive
a sonic travel toothbrush
a fresh supply of euros
a cone of Kentish icecream

May 2017

3 storage jars, for tilted or upright use, with green lids
6 plugs of French marigolds
30 first-class stamps, with a bird design
100 beta-carotene capsules
a grey upholstered swivel office chair, with castors
a vintage bangle with a lizard clasp
a slice of bread pudding

April 2017

a 6-pack of rose and sage-scented tissues
a non scratch scourer, made in Spain
an apron, green gingham with a big pocket
a plastic tube of HB pencil leads, 0.5mm
a crystal nail file
3 crustless quiches, cheese and tomato
new soles for my boots for all seasons

March 2017

a studded photo frame, in black wood and brass
summer breaks in Somerset and Derbyshire
3 bunches of daffodils
1 bus pass, renewed for free
a large fringed cushion, with leopards on the front
a loose lime

February 2017

a bottle of essential oil, lavender
a jar of bacon jam, from the market
a book about medieval masons
3 thermostatic valves
2 beds for the night, one in York, the other in London

January 2017

a slimline diary, turquoise cover
a stock of ground coffee. Flavour, Paradise Island
a set of alcoholic lip balms, including Prosecco.
a ticket for a tour of Worcester Cathedral
a packet of swan food
a sweater in a sale, in Melba Peach
a copy of HELLO

December 2016

a supply of glucosamine and rose-hip tablets
a pair of hi-gloss, ‘laminate look’ tights
an extension lead, 4 metres
a pack of festive paper plates, with silver stars
a sack of roasting potatoes, native to the Andes
an extra hot-water bottle with furry cover, in ‘latte’
a carrier bag, 5p

October to November 2016

A pair of plastic ‘leaf-grabbers’
A lilac jumper made from yak yarn
A get well card, with glitter
A ball of yellow rubber bands
A TV licence
A dozen Happy Eggs
A ticket for a tour of Peterborough Cathedral

August to September 2016

A universal travel adaptor plug
A cling-resistant slip, made in Cambodia
A square silicone colander – in green
A jar of face-cream, containing caviar
A hedgehog: decorative garden ornament, made of rattan
A new boiler (price best forgotten)
A lot of lambs lettuce
Postcards in Poland

From May to July 2016:

A vintage 3-tier cake stand
2 lbs of potatoes called Charlotte, from Egypt
A pack of 100 disposable Latex gloves
A grey marl cabin case
A bottle of Verbena and Lavender cologne
A canister of ant-killer powder
A ticket to see Cymbeline at Stratford
24 afternoon tea fairy cakes (half price)
A step safety ladder (special offer)
A pair of knickers called Orange Squash

Four things bought in April 2016:

A summer scarf with a pattern of elephants
A tube of organic snail-gel eye serum
A mauve magnolia tree
A ticket to Sutton Coldfield

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