March, 2019
- a woven bookmark, with gold thread, depicting a knight in prayer
- artisan butter in a block – hand-milled, with salt crystals and flecks of seaweed
- a Home Buyer’s Report, for a family member
- five Tudor detective novels, the hero called John Shakespeare
- a ‘sniffer’ – a nasal inhaler stick, for flu symptom relief
February, 2019
- a retro, ‘mullety’ haircut with a micro-fringe, tipped with violet
- a thermal ‘base layer’ polo neck in black, ‘made with Japanese technology’
- superglue: a trio of small tubes of ‘instant, universal’ adhesive
- a handrail in white oak, over 11 foot long, for my stairway – free delivery
- a bunch of ‘rainbow’ tulips
January 2019
- shoe accessories:’grippers’ for ice and snow
- an annual membership fee for a club in London
- a deposit for a cruise on the river Douro
- a long cord pinafore dress in ‘onyx’ with very deep pockets
- brown suede boots, half-price in the sale
- a library fine, for two overdue books
December, 2018
- a curtain for the back door, with an insulated lining
- the Romance of Food – Barbara Cartland’s kitsch recipe book
- the last pot of goose fat, for my roasties. The future is meat-free.
- a set of 5 W.W.2 medals, in bronze and nickel, including 3 Stars
- a large bottle of pink champagne, for Auld Lang Syne in London
November, 2018
- elderflower-infused gin, a friend’s favourite tipple
Slogan on the side of the bottle: ‘united in spirit’ - a 4-slice toaster, in black and chrome
- leopard-print pop socks
- Duchy tomatoes, organic – in Prince Charles’ honour
- a coach trip to Cambridge
- a 6-month subscription to a senior singles site
October, 2018
- a small salt-mill, with pink, Himalayan crystals
- a grey laundry bag, Irish, with rope detail, to match the walls
- 3 shiny black baskets, Vietnamese, multi-purpose(all to be decided)
- horse shampoo, re-branded to groom the human mane
- bread: a divine cashew and cranberry bloomer, from Tesco
- off-peak rail tickets, to Coventry, London and Portsmouth
September, 2018
- a tube of growth serum, for the elderly eye-lash
- stationery: a multi-pack of ink cartridges, photo paper, in ‘glossy’
- a hoodie, in ‘coffee’, all the way from Chenshen, China
- wine, in a new slim-sized bottle(500 ml) ‘for 2 large glasses’
- repairs: new zip for an old gilet, stronger stitching for a bag strap
- a friend’s painting, at a discount, in ink and acrylic, called Field Shadow.
August, 2018
- in a tiny aluminium case: a travel lipbrush, made in Japan
- a One Egg pan, square, non-stick
- courgettes from Gloucestershire. Variety: Cronos
- a round tin of British wildflower seedballs
- a copy of Elle, the Colour Issue
- the biography of a Victorian chemist’s discovery of ‘Mauve’.
July 2018
- a deep-clean at the dentist
- a bespoke teeth whitening tray
- a pack of 3 N.V.P.L. knickers, click and collect,in black, coffee and almond.
- a 10 knob over-the-door hat-rack
- plant food, general purpose, ‘fish, blood and bone’.
- a pollen-free dwarf sunflower
June 2018
- open-toe tights, with ‘cooling fibres’
- a dual valve for the upstairs loo, with ‘reduced flushes’ for ‘water conservation’.
- plastic cutlery – unethical, but convenient
- a series of clothes alterations by a local seamstress
- membership of the National Gallery
- pickled eggs in a jar
- a fridge magnet from Norway: a pair of trolls, embracing
May 2018
- a roll-on bottle of hemp oil vegan deodorant
- a second hand thriller about the hunt for a Balkan war criminal
- a woven cross-body bag with such a mix of zigzag stripes and tribal motifs that it will clash and therefore go with everything…..
- 7 taxi rides to and from stations or supermarkets
- Norwegian currency: £100 pound’s worth of kroner
April 2018
- a foil-embossed, hand-made card, showing birds in love
- the services of a wedding photographer
- a bag of confetti (12 handfuls) – biodegradable violet delphinium petals
- citronella: insect-repellent oil and candles
- 3 postcards – scenes of the Seychelles – turtles and parrots on the stamps
- Chanel no.5, duty-free at the island airport
March 2018
- 2 long linen dresses, one navy, one grey
- a box of LED downlights, in ‘warm white’
- a thick cork notice board with a black frame
- wrapping paper in Beatrix Potter patterns
- a ‘self-parking sink stopper, called Frisby
- decorative bowl covers, set of 6
- large ‘optical cover’ sunglasses in tortoiseshell
- a fair-trade Easter egg – cocoa beans from Ghana
- a bunch of British daffodils
February 2018
- A swing-arm ‘Hobby’ desk lamp, in black
- 4 Tai C’hi classes, £5 an hour
- a ‘luxury bath mat’, for the study, in lilac
- an economy sized roll of kitchen paper – orange
- a 10-pack of flocked clothes hangers – turquoise
- a triple-layered angel sponge cake – yellow and pink
- rose wine, ‘from the sunshine of Provence’
- a final TV licence
January 2018
- a tube of ‘plughole unblocker’
- a blend of cider vinegar and honey – raw, organic and kosher
- pine shelving, by a local carpenter
- 2 pairs of spectacles, b.o.g.o.f.
- 200 self-adhesive labels
- comfort food, including a Cornish pasty
- a course of ‘fat freeze’ body treatments, for the dimpled self
December 2017
- 24 stamps with scenes of snowmen and Santas
- a re-grouting/sealant service, for the bathroom
- 1 gold box of mulled-spice scented tissues
- 6 tester pots of paint, in shades of duck, dove and primrose
- 15% of a cruise on the Norwegian Fjords – the deposit
- Volume 32 of the Journal of Stained Glass, for research
- a large wall calendar, minimalist, with no pictures
November 2017
- a green-gold lipstick, called Instinct
- a watch with Roman numerals, but no minute markings
- 3 drop-in descaler bags
- 20 sachets of Elderberry and Echinacea tea
- fence spikes, brown, pack of 30
- home insurance, buildings and contents
- a MOD search – for a war record of service and campaign medals
October 2017
- a stock of Vitamin C tablets
- 2 little squeezy bottles of dry-eye drops, on prescription
- 3 tins of tomato soup, for fast days
- compensation items, post computer crisis:
- an eau de parfum called ‘Bloom’
- a festive pair of Jacquard texture trousers
- a gift set of 4 Beatrix Potter 50ps, in ‘brilliant, uncirculated quality’
- an external storage drive, 1 terrabyte
September 2017
- a small gift horse, cast in bronze, made in Greece
- half a low-calorie pizza called Leggera
- 2 Smart Meters and a Display Unit, free from E-on
- a multi-pack of printer cartridges, including magenta and cyan
- British blackberries in a plastic tray. Variety: Loch Ness
- a ticket for a seat in the stalls of a London theatre. Only £95!
August 2017
- an archangel: a ‘stained glass’ transfer, to ‘stick on a clean window’
- a pack of ‘bird-scare’ mirror discs, to dazzle the pigeons away
- a block of recycled printer paper
- 2 handpicked gem lettuce, picked by an Alan in Norfolk
- 15 floor wipes, in ‘apple’
- 24 re-usable ice cubes
- an aspidistra, by post
July 2017
- an aerosol spray – an instant protector for footwear, water/stain repellent
- a 3-tier stainless steel steamer
- 4 sheets of tissue paper, in a ‘party animals’ pattern
- a pochette of ‘red rose’ incense sticks
- a rosary ring from Rheims
- a bottle of surgical spirit, to harden the feet
- What would Jane Do? a book of Austen quotations
June 2017
- a brooch in the form of a bee, knitted in Peru
- 2 pairs toe-less sandal tights in ‘powder’ (beige)
- 5 corn removal pads – in chiropody felt, self-adhesive
- a sonic travel toothbrush
- a fresh supply of euros
- a cone of Kentish icecream
May 2017
- 3 storage jars, for tilted or upright use, with green lids
- 6 plugs of French marigolds
- 30 first-class stamps, with a bird design
- 100 beta-carotene capsules
- a grey upholstered swivel office chair, with castors
- a vintage bangle with a lizard clasp
- a slice of bread pudding
April 2017
- a 6-pack of rose and sage-scented tissues
- a non scratch scourer, made in Spain
- an apron, green gingham with a big pocket
- a plastic tube of HB pencil leads, 0.5mm
- a crystal nail file
- 3 crustless quiches, cheese and tomato
- new soles for my boots for all seasons
March 2017
- a studded photo frame, in black wood and brass
- summer breaks in Somerset and Derbyshire
- 3 bunches of daffodils
- 1 bus pass, renewed for free
- a large fringed cushion, with leopards on the front
- a loose lime
February 2017
- a bottle of essential oil, lavender
- a jar of bacon jam, from the market
- a book about medieval masons
- 3 thermostatic valves
- 2 beds for the night, one in York, the other in London
January 2017
- a slimline diary, turquoise cover
- a stock of ground coffee. Flavour, Paradise Island
- a set of alcoholic lip balms, including Prosecco.
- a ticket for a tour of Worcester Cathedral
- a packet of swan food
- a sweater in a sale, in Melba Peach
- a copy of HELLO
December 2016
- a supply of glucosamine and rose-hip tablets
- a pair of hi-gloss, ‘laminate look’ tights
- an extension lead, 4 metres
- a pack of festive paper plates, with silver stars
- a sack of roasting potatoes, native to the Andes
- an extra hot-water bottle with furry cover, in ‘latte’
- a carrier bag, 5p
October to November 2016
- A pair of plastic ‘leaf-grabbers’
- A lilac jumper made from yak yarn
- A get well card, with glitter
- A ball of yellow rubber bands
- A TV licence
- A dozen Happy Eggs
- A ticket for a tour of Peterborough Cathedral
August to September 2016
- A universal travel adaptor plug
- A cling-resistant slip, made in Cambodia
- A square silicone colander – in green
- A jar of face-cream, containing caviar
- A hedgehog: decorative garden ornament, made of rattan
- A new boiler (price best forgotten)
- A lot of lambs lettuce
- Postcards in Poland
From May to July 2016:
- A vintage 3-tier cake stand
- 2 lbs of potatoes called Charlotte, from Egypt
- A pack of 100 disposable Latex gloves
- A grey marl cabin case
- A bottle of Verbena and Lavender cologne
- A canister of ant-killer powder
- A ticket to see Cymbeline at Stratford
- 24 afternoon tea fairy cakes (half price)
- A step safety ladder (special offer)
- A pair of knickers called Orange Squash
Four things bought in April 2016:
- A summer scarf with a pattern of elephants
- A tube of organic snail-gel eye serum
- A mauve magnolia tree
- A ticket to Sutton Coldfield
